why do people do things that make them unhappy just because they're suppose to? why is our world nd society simply controled by rules and expectations and only "acceptable" things.. well who the fuck decideds what the fuck is acceptable? why are ppl always letting stupid things bother them.. why are we all so driven by what others think.. others want, deny it as much as you want but you know that you think about what others think of you. i mean i know when i get ready to go out.. i only get ready for other ppl bc its not "acceptable" to go out .. acctually now that i think bout it ppl dont give a shit about me.. so i guess its really for myslef but omg whenever i start trying to put my thoughts into words they start not making sense.. keebs is right i overanaylize too much.. i need to stop thinking.. too bad im ammune to drugs... <3
| Date: | 2005-06-16 19:07 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
i need to get away.. i cant stay here anymore... i need to go somewhere .. anywhere but here.. i just cant take it anymore.. i dont even know what it is.. but being here just makes me so unhappy.. i know nothing else so maybe no where i go id be unhappy but i at least need to find out.. i cant do oit.. i just cant.. its not that i have a horrible life either.. i am just so unhappy this place makes me so angry.. i cant do it.. i cant
WHAT!? whats up with that? mJ is most certianly guilty!!! he is a crazy creepy molester.. nd he needs to be stopped.. my sister said that hes going to getsick of boys nd come after me.. which scared the shit outa me.. but on a more realistic note.. if hes not convicted over nd over agian hees just going to keep molesting poor lil boys(nd maybe girls) nd its just SICK nd WRONG.. nd it should be STOPPED... omg i am so upset ... i was shaking before they revealed the verdict... he was crying bc he was innocent.. but he shouls have been crying since he was GUILTY! i bet he was crying bc he noes hes guilty nd he was scared that they were going to change their minds.. =o arg
yea well i should be studying but im not. so im here to document my life.. or there lack of since im writtng n a live journal.. but im mad bored so yea.. anyway last nit was fun! i got to see my dear melissa in her dance recital nd very very cute lil girls.. kelly was there nd shes hott so it was all good.. haha i <3 u kel kel.. yea then we went to melz house.. well first we got ice cream.. then melz slept over nd we had a grand ol time.. not that we really did anything.. buts its all good.. ok im gunna go study now.. it was a good weekend... im excited for summer ! 5 dayssssss! =D
| Date: | 2005-06-11 00:38 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
omg tonight was soo much fun! i got to hang out with my 3 fac ppl (bexxx melz nd keebs) nd be racist nd shit.. hah jk but it was soo much fun =D... um HOOTERS * i felt a smid uncomfortable* so we went to UNO... where the mountian dew looks like piss nd keebs is a communist... haha... then peeing in Home Goods.. "does HomeGOods eve have a bathroom?"(that wasnt that funny actually lol)... then the fucking energry pills LMAO.. becca took the green toe fungi one lol.. then we met melz at the moives where um she was really hyper nd we bought food and acacording to some lil kids were "groping each other" lol.. yea it was a gooood movie i liked it..the ride home was fun too.. oh god the ride there was fun too .. but hte ride home... "sexual intercourse nd teen drinking".. form personal experiance? WAS I INVOLVED lol.. i <3 you all =D
| Date: | 2005-06-09 18:37 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
songs that i feel describe my life right now.. bc im bored--
It starts with one..
and multiplies 'til you can taste the sun
and burnt by the sky you try to take it from.
but if it falls theres no place to run
crumbling down, It's so unreal...
They're dealing you in to determine your end
and sending you back again to places you've been
and bending your will, til it breaks you within
and still they fill their eyes...
With the twilight through the skylight
and the highlights on a frame of steel.
See the brightness of your likeness
as I write this on a pad
with the way I feel...
Hear the screaming in my dreaming
as its seeming that you've played your part.
like you're heartless take apart this
in the darkness while I know that..
I tried so hard, and got so far,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it all,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I've looked down the line and what's there is not what ought to be.
Held back by the battles they fought for me,
Calling me to be part of their property,
and now I see that I get no chance...
I get no break; fakes and snakes quickly lead to mistakes
and as the tightrope within slowly starts to thin
I can only hope that they close their eyes...
To the twilight through the skylight
and the highlights on a frame of steel.
See the brightness of your likeness
as I write this on a pad
with the way I feel...
Hear the screaming in my dreaming
as its seeming that you've played your part.
like you're heartless take apart this
in the darkness while I know that..
I tried so hard, and got so far,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it all,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I've put my trust in you
pushed as far as I can go
for all this
theres only one thing you should know...
I've put my trust in you
pushed as far as I can go
for all this
theres only one thing you should know...
I've put my trust in you
pushed as far as I can go
for all this
theres only one thing you should know...
I tried so hard, and got so far,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it all,
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
*****************************************************
Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave
Like the taste of my kiss on your lips
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
Don't walk away
Touch me now, how I wanna feel something so real
Please remind me, my love
And take me back
Cause I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing, I'm suffocating without you
Do you feel it too
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreamin' that you'll walk right through my door
It's then I know my heart is whole
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cause I don't wanna be alone
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
I need you
Cause I can't fake
And I can't hate
But it's my heart that's about to break
You're all I need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you
There's no doubt
I freak out
I'm left out
Without you
I'm without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
| Date: | 2005-06-05 21:09 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
| Music: | um postal sevice at this second |
wow i love this girl.. nd this is an example of why
Knucky15: i think ur pointing at ur gum
peachiekeane89: i dont think i was on purpos
peachiekeane89: *purpose
peachiekeane89: i think i was like being obnoxious nd u happen to catch me lool
Knucky15: i dont remember when i took it
peachiekeane89: before u went to kanuas
Knucky15: ...
Knucky15: not a clue
Knucky15: i so have either Alzheimers or Amnesia
Knucky15: i just dont remember anymore
peachiekeane89: LMAO
Knucky15: like i didnt remember what i did yesterday until ashley said "didnt u go to a movie?
peachiekeane89: lololol
Knucky15: and then it took me awhile to think
Knucky15: it could have just been cause i was hot
Knucky15: i mean im always hot...
Knucky15: but u know...
peachiekeane89: haha yea;-)
peachiekeane89: i think ur hotter when ALL ur clothes are on my floor though ;-)
Knucky15: so true
Knucky15: thats when im at my hottest
peachiekeane89: .. that came our wrong.. i meant yea noe.. when ur naked in my room
peachiekeane89: haha
Knucky15: i got that
peachiekeane89: o0o0 ok good
Knucky15: lol
Knucky15: lol
Knucky15: sorry i found that really amusing
peachiekeane89: lol im glad
Knucky15: my dog reminds me of silly puddy
Knucky15: his face is so squishy
peachiekeane89: LMAO
peachiekeane89: it so awkward when ppl ask me questions bout my boobs nd their relationship with others
Knucky15: ur boobs have relationships with other people?
Knucky15: is that what u said or did i read it wrong
peachiekeane89: no thats what imeant.. nd its weird when ppl ask me about those relationships lol
Knucky15: u should name ur boobs
peachiekeane89: i did once
Knucky15: nice
peachiekeane89: there was this whole system
peachiekeane89: see u would name one after some who had bigger boobs then you.. nd one after somone who had smaller boobs then u... bc like u would be donating some.. nad reciving some from/to those ppl
peachiekeane89: yea it made more sense if u were there lol
Knucky15: yeah...
peachiekeane89: lol
peachiekeane89: nvm
peachiekeane89: brb
Knucky15: lol
Auto response from peachiekeane89: so wear me like a locket around your throat... ill wiegh u down.. ill watch you choke.. you look soo good in blue
peachiekeane89: yes i walked into my room nd dirty pop was on!
Knucky15: sweet
peachiekeane89: nd im eating grapes .. niiice nd healthy ;-)
Knucky15: im eating gatorade
Knucky15: yeah i know u cant eat gatorade
Knucky15: u drink it
Knucky15: but i said what i said
peachiekeane89: lol
peachiekeane89: i <3 u
peachiekeane89: oMG!
peachiekeane89: i have to ask u a favor.. but its not abig favor nd i think u might enjoy it.. it involes being quirky nd whity nd making fun of me.. kinda
Knucky15: okay....
Knucky15: if it involves handcuffs im out
peachiekeane89: LMAO!!!
Knucky15: last time that got awkward with u...
peachiekeane89: OMG I LOVE U!
peachiekeane89: no it invovles writting
peachiekeane89: seee
Knucky15: aw thanks
Knucky15: okay...
Knucky15: ...
Knucky15: what do i have to do?
peachiekeane89: me nd becca want our own reality tv show soo we want u to write the letter to Mtv explaing why nd shit.. we'll help u ul just make it sound good lol
Knucky15: lol
Knucky15: okay
peachiekeane89: yes i am serious lol
peachiekeane89: yay!
peachiekeane89: grapes arent fatting are they?
Knucky15: i dont think so
Knucky15: their small
peachiekeane89: lol
peachiekeane89: god!!! i love u!
Knucky15: yeah well
Knucky15: lol
yea that was long.. but yea noe she rox
| Date: | 2005-05-30 16:20 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  pensive | | Music: | Britney Spears *yea thats rihgt u know u love her* |
ive been thinking bout friends lately.. i dont have that many.. i mean sure i have my lil group of gals that i can have fun wiht.. but i can not think of alota ppl that would cover my ass or smile at my funeral... i mean i have a few really good friends and i would seriouly do anything in the world for them.. but why do block everyone else out? why am i so critcal and unforgiving? what made me this way? i used to like everyone but know i cant be with the same person for more then an hour without wanting to kill them (this does not apply to everyone) and i feel like ihave trouble keeping realtionships going.. i have had becca in my life forever.. i and i hope to god she always will be because even though we dont usually directly talk bout shit.. i think is because we get each other.. i mean i have known her forever.. nd i love her nd i honostly dunno what i would do with out her.. nd chris even though we have been throught rough times. well most of our realtionship is on nd off which is ok.. i mean thats just the dance we do .. .but other then that my friends have changed alot... i love melz soo much nd i dunno what i would do with out her.. but i feel like we cant even have a real conversation anymore.. i dunno guess im paranoid or something.. who knows.. i dont understand why you have to stay friends with someone just because "you always have been" thats no excuse.. you stay friends with someone because you liek them.. u get along.. nd you trust them with your life nd u have fun toghet.. even if im not always having a heart to heart with all those ppl... like i do with keebs lol.. i trust them soo much... nd i would give my life for them to be happy... nd we laugh together.. i have a great time with all of them.. i am just seriously rambling now.. but yea so i love all of you mentioned here.. nd more.. <33
EDIT::::: This is why i love melz--
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: im NOT freshly showered
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: i just finished eating a cookie
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: i just peed
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: i cna't remeber the last time i shat
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: we need
xlOVErs ndLiARSx: sum bondage
that was not all at once.. lol.. i love this gal
| Date: | 2005-05-13 17:34 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
Your True Birth Month Is August |
Sauve
Romantic
Attractive
Observant
Loves to joke
Easily jealous
Easily angered
Learns to relax
Loves to dream
Thirsty for praise
Loving and caring
Brave and fearless
Extraordinary spirit
Careful and cautious
Independent thoughts
Angry when provoked
Loves to make friends
Sensitive but not petty
Too generous and egoistic
Takes high pride of oneself
Loves to lead and to be led
Thinks quickly and rationally
Knows how to console others
Poor resistance against illnesses
Firm and has leadership qualities
Talented in the arts, music and self defense
|
omg! i wast just going to do that because i am mad bored.. but i got my real month.. nd that made me laugh..
| Date: | 2005-03-05 12:41 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
hahahaha i lvove this game
| Date: | 2005-02-06 16:48 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
i know theres more to life then what im living now how come i sit here day after day wondering why im here... soemthings gotta happen soon.. i love u all but its just not enough im sick of wating wondering like i dunno i feel so wasted.. like i suppose to be doing something but i jsut a stupid spoiled brat... nd the worst part is i do nothing to change that i guess its bc i say i cant but i bet i could.. i just dont wanna.. nd i noe thats horrible.. im so pampered and spoiled... why did i get a life like this when so many people have nothing? how come i complain taht i have to go to school.. when really its a privlige, there are so many ppl who cant even read.. nd i have a computer.. in my room.. with my phone nd my tv nd my cell phone and all my clothes and furniture.. i have so much.. which seems so lil compared to those around me.. which is sad.. but i cant decided if its sad that i have all this.. bc to me it seems sadder that not everyone has all this.. and now i dont even know what im talking bout anymore.. *Sigh* lifes wierd
| Date: | 2005-01-26 21:44 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
OMG i hadda post because i just saw that coke commercial where that kid like gives tha coke to his dad nd it is SOOO cute omg! :) thats all
(x) been drunk
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x)ridden in a limo
(x)been to a football game
(?)Met someone famous
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x)had your heart broken
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger...well, i had seen him once before...
( ) stole something from your job....
( ) celebrated New Years in Time Square
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school.. but not w.o my rents knowing
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) gone out with one or more co-workers
(x) cut myself on purpose
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Slapped someone you love
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( )Participated in a protest
(x) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(x)Been on a train
(x)Rode the metro
( )Gotten lost in DC
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire.
( ) Eaten Sushi
( )Been kicked out of the library for being too loud
(x) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a concert
( ) had feelings for someone you knew only online
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) had sexual intercourse
( ) tried killing yourself
( ) taken painkillers
(x) had blood drawn
( ) intentionally burned oneself
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
( ) went to a prom
( ) Bungee jumped
(x) made out in a movie theatre
(x) have been to a pop concert
( ) have dated someone for a year or more
( ) sold naked pictures of yourself
(x) been in a car accident
(x) Slept in the nude
(x) eaten cheesecake
( ) had jury duty
(x) hated someone without knowing them.
( ) been to Maine
(x)been to Atlantic City
( ) shot a real gun
(x) made out with someone within 5 days of meeting them
( ) done ecstasy
( ) gotten my ass kicked
( ) been caught smoking (well not caught but they found out)
( ) milked a cow
(x) got in a verbal fight
( ) lied one time in this survey
( ) Threw a party at a friends house when they were gone
( ) Done something w/ a friends bf/gf
( ) Done something wit a bf/gf's sibling
( ) Committed a major crime
( ) Dated someone older than you are
( ) Gotten in trouble w/ the cops
( ) ran away
( ) Ever had a flat tire
( ) Ever given someone a hicky
(x) Ever gotten a hicky
(x) Been caught making out with someone
(x) Ever got super drunk
(x) Went skinny dipping
(x) Lied about where you're going
(x) Ever lied about your age
( ) Ever been pantsed
( ) Had mono
( ) Beer bonged
( ) Got into a physical fight w/ a parent
( ) Ever bought a lotto ticket
( ) Ever been to a family reunion
| Date: | 2005-01-03 17:34 |
| Subject: | Blah |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  just woke up from my daily nap | | Music: | chan. 188 |
I am sooo bored.. i highly doubt anyone reads this.. so i am just going to blab on
however i have nothing to blab about.. haha.. yea.. so i say haha alot.. im going to jons dance on friday.. im scared... i dunt wanna be an ass.. but that always seems unavoidable.. ill probably be really quiet and boring.. and i cant decide which is worse :/ haha ok now i sound stupid.. but i am beinning not to hate that jayZ and linkin park song.. bc its ALWAYS on chan. 188 (haha..) um MY GODD I AM SOO BORED!! i have swim tonight.. :) i have to swim in the meet tmrw!!!! :0 isnt that crazy!!!!!!!!!!!
| Date: | 2004-12-18 23:21 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  bouncy |
im very glad that things worked out the way they did.. even though i honostly dont think i deserve it.. but yea.. i am really bored.. and trying to find somethign to do on new years eve... no offese to them .. but so i dont have to go to my g'rents house.. i mean i love them and all.. but i wanna be somewhere and PARTY... lol that was stupid.. but yea.. so i peopel tell me if you wanna hang with me ;) haha... but only if your tons o fun.. lol.. ok i am just sounding stupid now.. but i am soo bored.. so yea i am going to stop now.. bye
| Date: | 2004-12-12 12:31 |
| Subject: | Normandie |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  chipper |
OMG!! this weekend was amazing!
Fri: Sophies party was soo much fun!.. Pam and her "wounded dear"... just beint at a party @ the knitting factory was amazing.. nd i <3 you all so much
Sat: Soho was fun.. even though i didnt see him having the guy from law and order behind us seems cool.. lol-- i dunno i cant eveb like list things.. except for staurday night! omg it was crazy! hookah was kinda weird but it was still fun.. im so proud tha tlil becca and me and chelsea saw our first hooker.. and kate bought us stuf with her ID (even though that didnt turn out so well.. haha) and then doing kartwheels in the street.. and the old mad crazy man trying to hug sophie after thomas broke up with her.. and frozen yogurt.. haha..
ok thats even.. but yea it was amazing.. i am still so sorry for every sophie... and kate i cant believe u did that for us.. that is amazing of you and i owe my life to you.. not that i already didnt dedicate it to you alreayd ;) haha i love you!!
I <3 you all!
(im glad everything worked out.. i dunno where it is now.. but i noe where i am and i miss you)
| Date: | 2004-12-05 12:33 |
| Subject: | summer |
| Security: | Public |
well is already been 5 months since aug. and im was just sitting her think bout summer.. this summer was alota firsts for me.. good ones and bad ones.. but the one that effected me that most.. was bad. i did somehting this summer that for the first time i truly fully absolutly regret.. and hated myself for.. and i really for a while thought that bc i had done it i most certianly didnt deserve to live. since then i have calmed down, but i still can never make it up to the person i hurt.. and whats worse is i really i have strong feelings for this person.. and i know things between is wil never be the same... and i know that maybe that person doesnt wana trust me anymore.. but this is dedicated to that person.. and after all that you should noe who you are (nd so should others).. and i just wanted to let you noe .. at least one more time how much i need you... nd care bout you. i miss you.. and i am sorry... i have no explination and there is no excuse for what i did.. all i can say is that place makes me a dif. person.. its like a game for me.. bc people acctauly care about me there... and sometimes the reality in it all fades away.. and all thats left is the game... and i forget that ppl are real... but that doesnt mean that i dont feel that same way about you .. believe me.. i do.. and i always will
| Date: | 2004-11-29 16:25 |
| Subject: | thanksgiving! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  sick | | Music: | Jesse MacCarteny!! of course |
 Thanksgiving Feast My Thanksgiving dinner
this year totalled: 2259 calories
76 grams of fat How much did you have?
Find out here! |
yay! i <3 food.. lol..
i have swim today.. not as much fun as mashed patatoes.. :(
| Date: | 2004-11-22 15:57 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | chipper | | Music: | John Melencamp |
( pictures bitch! )
| Date: | 2004-11-14 19:33 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
I had sucha great weekend.. i was just genuinally happy.. i love the people i was with.. all of you! soo much!!.. (thx soo much sophie!) and i was just soo great to be with all of u again.. and it sucked enough that i had to leave you all and then go home and like do hw and shit.. but then my mom was acting like a fucking 2 yr. old.. and omg she drives me crazy.. its like the second i walk trough my door.. im not allowed to be happy anymore.. at all... like ever.. and i hate being here so much... i wish that i could just be with you guys all the time.. and i leaving in the country right now is really scary, and i am just not in a good mood and it sux sooo much... and i dunno.. i noe you all dont care but Pam just iMed me.. and i am all happy again!. ok goodbye!
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